Often times I dwell upon the concept that you make it either one of two ways in this world. Either you are born into wealth and you prosper that way or you find the hunger within you and you build from that. Some people stumble into their inner hunger, ie Kim Kardashian. Her infamous sex tape allowed her to find her inner hunger and build an empire on it. Others are born with a talent and use their talent to inspire their inner hunger ie Kendrick Lamar or Nick Cannon. And then there are those who go through desperate times and use desperation to fuel their inner hunger, ie. Necole Kane aka NecoleBitchie.
Then I think about me…I am definitely not born into wealth and I have not stumbled into any wealth possibilities. However, I do have a talent and I am going through some hard times…I guess that should be enough to spark my inner hunger…better yet, it should be more than enough because I have 2 out of 3 reasons to be hungry.
Yet, I don’t have it!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely in the process of making moves towards my goals and aspirations, but I don’t know if I can say that the fire under my ass is as hot as those I mentioned. And I in all honesty, I really want to turn the fucking heat up. But I don’t know how. I think if most people would have been through what I went through in the last year – it would have either made them or broke them. But for me, it didn’t break me, but I would definitely say it left a tear. And it didn’t make me, but it definitely opened my eyes up to a lot of new understandings.
I guess in a way, I’m taking it slow…or step by step. But I’m so hesitant to even type that because I feel like its not warranted. Like “how the fuck dare you take it step by fucking step!!?? How dare you not recognize the sense of urgency that is required of you right now?!”
Oh the battle in my brain only leaves me more confused and less motivated. It is a very conscious choice I make when I get up and put forth hard work. It is not something that comes natural to me anymore and it’s starting to take its toll.
Am I lost? What is it that I really and truly want? Is it realistic? Are my priorities in order? So many questions I pose and yet the only one who can answer them is me.
It’s time to be realistic. Time to get moving. Time to grow. Time to change. Time to plant seeds.
Peace & Blessings
nextlevelnancy 